giRLgEttiNgbaRbiEr

2006-04-11T22:12:00.000-06:00

Crap! The shift is fucking deceiving. I look so fucking chipper now than I did a microsecond ago. This is becoming me. Deviens se que tu es. A craven attempt to sound intellectual. Failed. A non-Kaye moment is badly needed. I need to fill a hungry stomach and a hungry mind lusting for motivation. Got any? Got coke? Coke really. Is it sexier to use s instead of z in spelling out the word globalisation? Depends on who uses it right? This is a sick generation. We complain about “too much” work to be done. I mean, are we really even working our asses off? Yeah right! Like your Gundam didn’t come in one piece! Independence is really in dependence. Incomplete thought you say? Complete it! What am I raving about here? I can’t have coke light for 5 days! That’s it. This is suffering. MY kind of suffering. Now, don’t you go pointing that finger of yours in my face.

Need something productive and introspective to do this Lenten season? Wanna get in touch with that lazy alter-ego? Try Pre-association writing. Just right down whatever comes to your mind. Tickle the subconscious baby! Does it work? Figure it out for yourself just this once! For chrissake! We are fucking annoying!

CONVERSATION AT DXH553

Life says, "Experience is the best teacher."

Anansi says, "I am a terrible student."

Life says, "Happiness is a choice."

Anansi says, "I am bad with choices. I have oncological indecisiveness. Case basis."

Life says, "I am good."

Anansi says, "I don't have you."

Life says, "You're a tough ass!"

Anansi: "So are you!

Life: FuCK OFF! I am so tired of being likeable! I want to be respected!

2006-04-04T22:16:00.000-06:00

mga bagay na para asa akin ay madaling paghandaan:
1. maghanda ng gamit na kailangan sa school para bukas
2. uhmmm......
parang wala na. bagay lang pala hindi mga bagay. yun eh kung hindi pa ko tinatamad. inaatake na naman ako ng katamaran. bisyo ko na ang maging tamad. pero hindi ibig sabihin non eh wala kong pinagkakaabalahan. gusto kong nag-iisip. hindi ako nagyayabang. gago lang ang hidi nag-iisip. sa pagsusulat lang ako hindi tinatamad. lalo na kung hindi nagrarambulan yung mga gusto kong sabihin.

bakit ko nga pala naisulat to? kasi naman may malaki akong pinaghahandaan. ano? pinaghahandaan ko ang "sinakluban-ako-ng-mundo" scene ng nanay at tatay ko pag isinambulat ko na sa kanila na iba ang plano ko sa buhay. hindi ko kasi maramdaman ang tawag ng laman na magtrabaho sa isang "magandang" opisina. kailangan ko ng pera. pero hindi ako mukhang pera. naku, mahaba-habang inuman to. i might need an iron bayag for this one. ang problema wala akong bayag. siguro kaya ang tatapang ng mga kalalakihan. they have the bayag plus dalawa pa ulo nila. two heads are better than one ika nga. ang akin lang naman eh bakit ko naman hahayaang patayin ko ang sarili sa paggawa ng bagay na tinuturing ng society na tama at maganda. pero, alam mo, etong deviant behavior na to. malamang dikta din to ng society. more specifically, ng pagkakataon. sshhh. wag ka maingay. underground psychology lang yan.

tanong mo kung bakit naka-italicize yung bayag? akala ko kasi nung una eh nasa ingles yung isinusulat ko. hindi ako nagpapapansin. ayoko ng baguhin. mababahiran lang.

kailangan ko ng makaalis. nagmamakaawa ako....

2005-12-15T04:18:00.000-05:00

[personal] naiingit ako kine ghebie at eric, at kay cath
[less personal] nakakaiingit sina ghebie at eric, at si cath
[non-personal] yun lang.

noezep with yknowwhat

15DecDosmilcinco

a really troubling conversation..

anansi to kaye: thanks for the time
kaye to anansi: sure. its a little tight but hey youre not expecting anybody else to listen to
your shit right?
(both gives a familiar personal laugh)
anansi: i know. i mean, everybody thinks im crazy. like you said before, it could all be
psychosocial but i think ours is fucked up case of overgeneralization. the
two fallacies in logic together in the same room
kaye: ours? ikaw lang. but i get you.
anansi: youre so in fucking denial. and here i am thinking ima get something fucking healthy
from you!
kaye: you hate me now? im not in denial. i just dont get me. really. whats that your smoking?
anansi: neozep with yknow what.
kaye: what for?
anansi: for feeling the same way that you do
kaye: happy? so youre happy!
anansi: not funny.
kaye: i know. its not funny when i lie about that
anansi: i really feel ugly and alone, kaye.
kaye: i can see that
anansi: when youre pretty and lonely expect to attract somebody but when youre sad and ugly
youre getting no fairytale version of this story.
kaye: you have my words
anansi: ladies and gent, welcome to the flat affect therapy show!
kaye: haha. im sorry. you sucked out all the beauty in me.
anansi: want a high?
kaye: im enjoying this all time low.
anansi: no. check this out!
(removes shirt)
kaye: holy freak! what is that?! fuck you! fuck you twice! fuck you thrice!
anansi: now thats more like you.*grin*
kayE: why? *still-in-tranfixed-face*
anansi: every scar represents every aching hour.
kaye: youre talented. i love you.
anasi: yah. thats my name right there. see, this one is still fresh. it hurts to the bone! but im
loving it.
kaye: do me!
anansi: im tired kaye.
kaye: so am i.
- ana, please. not in front of me.
anansi: sorry. dont forget my tribute.
kaye: yah. i love you.
anansi: show it.
(kaye gives anansi the finger)

2005-11-12T05:32:00.000-05:00

i know you're fed up
i have repetitive tendencies
please please
i beg thee
to purchase another pack of patience and understanding

im fed up myself
you have repetitive tendencies
please please
i know you're begging me
to purchase another pack of patience and understanding

and that is what keeps us together

im sorry....

miss, isang bulok na mango shake nga po.

2005-10-24T01:30:00.000-05:00

drinking session at my place, on the 31st. whats in store: gin and tea. ya dig?
i stare and gaze and leer. all with envy.
break free
crucify the insincere!

2005-10-22T06:14:00.000-05:00

october 21, 2005 is the greatest day i've ever known
nothing so special
i just think that i have been presented the solution to my seemingly perpetual battle with sadness caused by incarceration of some sort. but i won't say what I think it is. you might interfere.
introspective.
there is no money in philosophy. with or without it the world will remain the same so why study it? if you're purpose is money...that is bullshit. so where do you reside? do you even know what reside is? is your father told you
excuse me. random thoughts.

c&r: bakit ngayon lang kayo?
x: may pinag-usapan lang kami. eh kayo?
c:may pinag-usapan din kami pero professional yung samin ewan ko yung sa inyo
y: professional yon
c: steady na kayo?
x&y refuses to answer pero nangusap ang kanilang mga mukha
c: kamusta naman kayo?
x&y tahimik pa rin
c: iba kasi iniisip niyo eh
y: you're insane man!
x: wala kasing category yung tanong mo
c: goodluck y! una na kami
r: ingat kayo
x: ingat
y: im sorry i had to put you in such a situation
x: i don't mind

2005-10-15T06:34:00.000-05:00

nahuli ko ng pulis. jaywalking. kinuha yung i.d. ko tas naghintay ng sampung minuto bago ibalik sa kin. balak palang i-surrender sa d.o. mga sampung minuto rin akong hindi nagsalita. mali ako. hinayaan ko siyang namnamin ang moment na yon. naawa sa kin kaya hindi na ipinalagay sa record. hindi na po mauulit. pero bakit po yung isang nag-jaywalking din hindi niyo hinuli? kayo po ah! type nyo po ba ko?

i am such a sucker for love. i fall in love with almost every guy who gives me even the slightest bit attention. does that make me kulang sa pansin? no. i don't think so. i'm simply loving. i get entertained from seeing people pay attention to me. it kills me when they listen attentively. seryoso. naglalakad ako mag-isa tas biglang sabi nung lalakeng nakasalubong ko 'astig!'. yayakapin ko sana. syempre. i was wearing my self. yabang ko. and my deadkidsongs shirt. anybody who is suicidal and rebellious would think its astig. i think.

i wanna meet rivers cuomo. badly.

stiill longing for india.

2005-09-25T05:19:00.000-06:00

five(or ten) years from now i wanna see all my teachers from the past, and maybe the present(if i still have the funk to go to school), line up for my book signing(or, is this one suppose to go with a hypen?). i especially wanna see the ones that bruised quite severely my ego. *grin*

2005-09-19T20:50:00.000-06:00

Written with love, under the influence of some drug(strikethrough)
06septdosmilcinco

It’s been a long day. I was wearing my favorite bra. But all of a sudden my favorite bra doesn’t seem to like me anymore. I don’t like wearing bra, if you want to know the truth. When they are not of the right fit and feel I think they are like wearing condoms on a really good day to procreate. I dunno. I don’t wear condoms by the way.

I got a 0.0 for my midterm grade in computer. It didn’t surprise me. I mean, I was in class just as much as I was in a men’s room which is practically never. Aherher! I can redeem myself from this academic shitbull. I don’t mean to sound arrogant but I’m in no doubt I can. I’m one of those people who always speak of suicide but never really attempts to commit one. I’m full of shit. That’s ok coz so are you! Nyahaher!

This one professor from school really fucking irritates me. She’s one hell of a phony. She’s got this tough facade to scare the shit out of all us. But she’s good. Really good. She kills me. I don’t want to be asking any favor from her.

Mi dulce. Nothing. I just felt like writing it.

It’s been a bad day. A sad day. To the ones who don’t even give a damn to ask a fuck you to all of you! Shitty people, in case you don’t know (which I doubt you do), this is not some make believe, it’s what science calls ‘chemical imbalance’. Now, go on your merry ways and have yourself some temporal relaxation coz your gonna need all the strength and courage you can muster up for when we get out of this pit it’s going to be your end. It’s the logical thing to do I think.

Really. Now, smile. Like what all the happy people say, “Life is beautiful”. Madaling ingawa.

2005-09-19T20:47:00.000-06:00

IF I AM FUCKING GETTING IN YOUR NERVES, WELL, SO ARE YOU!
WHEN YOUR SHIRT WON’T FIT, I SHRUNK IT.
WHEN THE MOVIE WAS NOT TOO HAPPENING, I FUCKING ADDED THE DRAMA. AND NOW THAT I AM AT MY UGLIEST YOU JUST PROVED ME RIGHT.
YOU FUCKING KNOW NOTHING BUT TO PUT ME DOWN.
I HATE YOU!
WHEN WILL YOU ALLOW MY TEARS TO FLOW FREELY?
IT’S ALWAYS YOU!
YOU AND YOUR UNGODLY PENIS!
OH SORRY!
WAS THAT TOO VULGAR FOR YOUR INNOCENT SOUL?
WELL, FRANKLY, BETWEEN YOU, ME AND THE ONE READING THIS, YOU’RE NO GOOD WITHOUT IT!
AND I’M NO GOOD WITHOUT YOU.

2005-09-19T20:40:00.000-06:00

For Aldrin Will you still hang around even if I turn into a basket case? So full of shit So pretty So what? Your eyes are wise Always on the lookout but seldom moved Come to think of it you’re actually prettier than me You are The anal representation of a vehement indifference(for the right reasons) I wish to share with you a porno movie [involuntary smile]

For Lian ‘A Contingent Love Affair’(Sartre) is what we are A mere existence of what was once highly probable You are pragmatic sexy spiritual and sexy I will always be grateful to Politics for bringing me to you But it too you back Too fast Too soon Your visa remark will be “Alien with special talent” F-you! I understand(this one you can guarantee) but I wish you secure that ego.

For Bernard Slot no.3 is where you oughta be I am You minus the unnecessary attachments And that makes you perfect

For Allan You speak a language not many men dare to speak – the feminine language.

For Eric I misused love Period

For Tal High school would have killed me if I didn’t have you

For Dearly Departed When will we get together Ever heard of ‘coma’? Go look past the four fingers Go make your move!

For PAULA Destroy me. Love him.

2005-09-19T20:37:00.000-06:00

I am a Jean-Jacques Rousseau
5hunyodosmilcinco

I have better words to say
I have better advice to give
And I have less will to follow it

I live in a society who does conspicuous consumption so well
But know not what it is
A society of aristocrats
A society who is very good at pretending to like the common man
An oppressive government who is fiercer than a tiger in a Confucian lore

And the very FEW that took more eyes to see right through me
find my logic rather extremely flawed

I speak of enlightenment, but I am far from enlightened

What I do has had a profound influence on people
But not on my self
I am the anti-thesis of me

2005-09-15T20:21:00.000-06:00

i love you eric.

isa pa. mahal na mahal kita.

you make me feel so damn beautiful.

you made me fucking cry my heart out yesterday.

i wanna feel special and free again.

i wanna feel the comfort of your embrace.

don't let me fall.

i wished i could frame every single moment i spend with you.

i keep you in the only uncorrupted part of me,my heart.

nothing compares to you.

i miss you love.

i misused love.

19septdosmilcinco

I'm making Corgan my self-esteem

2005-08-09T01:13:00.000-06:00

(Billy Corgan)
"...and a fuck you to all those who will never understand"

"I have a hard time thinking of men trying to sing my songs,because I think my perspective is definitely feminine."

"This isn't a reaction against a negative world, it's a response to a negative world" -Billy Corgan on Adore

"Don't judge yourself by other peoples standards. You'll always loose."

"Great music completely obliterates any conceptions of genre"

desolation happy

2005-08-04T20:14:00.000-06:00

pao hates me!
you can't say you know depression unless you've been through one! fck!
i don't need to be sick to be reminded of God
who wants to wear an "i am sad" sign around their neck?
it will only drive people away!
who dares help the lonely?

proviso: within the realm of bi-polarity

2005-08-02T20:18:00.000-06:00

guilty transgressors

will you?

CONCRETE category

music(cds)

1. billy corgan - thefutureembrace

2. joe satriani - an anthology

3. tori amos - a collection(?)

4. any coldplay release

movies(sana hindi vhs tape no?)

1. american splendor

2. trainspotting

3. waking life

books

1. any of jack kerouac's and ayn rand's

extras

1. a wooden rocking chair

(buy me, that is. *grin*)

ABSTRACT category

teach me..

1. better judgment

2. another concept of time

give me...

3. another reason not to pursue my love for guilian

extras

1. waste away with me

"i am lonely(but not that lonely yet)"

now, who thinks kaye is stupid?

2005-07-23T20:11:00.000-06:00

___Your life______
[*] they call me: i call them. nakakatakot tumawag sa bahay namin. kung di ka sisigawan, di ka naririnig
[*] also: likewise, in addition, too
[*] sex: unknown
[*] birthday: tuesday

_______right now_______
[*] feeling: mowdel!
[*] Listening to: the sound of the weak and downtrodden
[*] doing: what i do best. hulaan mo?
[*] Talking to: venkat, an indian friend
[*] Craving for: indifference(temporal craving)
[*] thinking of: what to write
[*] hating: kapatid

_______Love_______
[*] love is: the word you invented for that which you cannot define
[*] first love: precedes second love
[*] love or lust?: yes!
[*] true or false: there are no truths. <- statement only true if false

_______Miscellaneous _______
[*] can you swim: where?
[*] whats your most embarrassing moment?: i got caught answering this. baduy kasi! jologs ko talaga
[*] what are you scared of: buses, turnstiles
[*] do you like tomatoes?: only when theyre green
[*] how many TVs in the house?: hihingi ka?
[*] how many telephones?

______Your looks______
[*] Hair color: jet black
[*] Eye color?: periwinkle
[*] Height: tall enough to get noticed
[*] Do u wear contacts or glasses?: skirt lang
[*] Do u have any piercings? meron

______Just lately______
[*] How are you today?: different from yesterday
[*] What pants are you wearing? bathing suit
[*] What shirt are you wearing right now? t-shirt
[*] What does your hair look like at the moment? profound
[*] Last person you met?: last?
[*] Last conversation?: with an indian
[*] Last Dream you can remember: about a massacre

______More about you______
[*] What are the last four digits of your cell number?: from left or right?
[*] If u were a crayon, what color would you be?: yellow. often used never liked
[*] What's the stupidest thing u ever did? i need to reflect on this one
[*] Where do you shop the most?:
[*] How many kids do you want to have?: 6
[*] Favourite Shampoo?: none of your business
[*] Do you have your own cellphone plan?: are you ugly?
[*] Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone?:
[*] Who do you dream about? lahat ng bagay na suppressed ako at nasa subliminal ko. psych.
[*] Who do you tell your dreams to?: sa mga gypsy
[*] Who's the loudest friend you have?: GOD. ang tindi mangonsensya
[*] Who's the quietest friend? SIYA den. pure attention.

__________Have you ever___________
[*] Wanted to kill someone?: ata. oo ata. hindi pa ata.
[*] Broken the law?: bigyan kita bente pesos pag may napakita ka sa kin na hindi pa lumalabag sa batas
[*] Tried to kill yourself? DO YOU KNOW THE WEIGHT OF THIS QUESTION?!

2005-06-30T20:21:00.000-06:00

Feigned nonchalance
31mayoDosmilcinco

Three-fold sadness
Did you hear your woman cry?
Does she really deserve you?
You made her believe
That everything is symbiotic

You left an open wound
A cicatrix in full bloom
While she struggles to decipher
The vivid intensity
Of emotionless sickness

Something’s wrong
When you start not to bother
Isn’t a girlfriend in a coma enough to change your mind?

You and your Spanish armada!
An English fortress versus her unparalleled wit
Your victory will be short-lived.
It ends here.

Something’s wrong
When you start not to bother
Isn’t a girlfriend in a coma enough to change your mind?

It ends here.

COMFORT ZONE

2005-05-19T21:10:00.000-06:00

Corpus Delicti

31mayodosmilcinco

You’ve been meddling over our peccadilloes for far too long now
It’s taken over us

You’re far too famous foe!
Your deeds won’t go unrecognized
And this is the price you pay
Your own flesh and blood at stake

From cradle to the grave
We all soon will be
Bless you for your wicked intentions
You have my blessing
Trigger-happy, go pull the trigger now

You’re far too famous foe!
None of your deeds went unrecognized
And you have paid the price
Your own flesh and blood still at stake

Your corpse lay in my bed
All parts evenly distributed
Thomas nibbles your head
I now own thy heart
It still looks familiar

We all took part on the murder of you
Corpus delicti
How delicious life can be!

A Favor House Atlantic

2005-04-17T07:20:00.000-06:00

Your eyes tell the stories of a day you wish you could Recall the moments that once have Retract the footsteps that brought us to this favor I wouldn't ask this of you Good eye, sniper Here I'll shoot, you run The words you scribbled on the walls With the loss of friends you didn't have I'll call you when the time is rightAre you in or are you out? For them all to know the end of us all Run quick, they're behind us Didn't think we'd ever make it This close to safety in one piece Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe Save us from sleep and what we are Good eye, sniper Now I shoot, you run The words you scribbled on the walls With the loss of friends you didn't have I'll call you when the time is rightAre you in or are you out? For them all to know the end of us all Bye bye beautiful Don't bother to write Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars Face step, let down. Face step, step down. The words you scribbled on the walls With the loss of friends you didn't have I'll call you when the time is rightAre you in or are you out? For them all to know Bye bye beautiful Don't bother to write Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars Face step, let down. Face step, step down. Bye bye beautiful Don't bother to write Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars Face step, let down. Face step, step down.

27fEBDosmilcinco

2005-03-21T23:54:00.000-06:00

Kaye: Sumainyo ang paranoia.
Lahat: At sumaiyo rin.

I am, for the moment, no more than a soda in a pre-pressurized toxic bottle.
Warning: If you shake me real hard I will erupt before your very eye.

10:18 pm.
Still so early for the disabled sleeper in me but rather late to still be bothered by the thought of you and your “dig me up/climb me down” maneuver.
Like the Bible, that line should be interpreted allegorically.
Blasphemy. Blasphemy.
If you could ask God for one thing other than world peace, what would it be? I don’t need to know why unless you insist that I do.
Mine would be a better judgment.
An army of a thousand does not threaten me. Yeah. Especially the one that lacks principle.

Dicky Jaime(jey-mi) has lost his lovely dick
on the night he made out with a really dirty chick.
Nani tried to save it by grabbing it by the head
But because too tightly she held on to it, it was asphyxiated and now it’s dead.
Poor Jaime, will he ever get back Mr. Dicky?

Call me horny, but I say I’m just radically pluralized.
Putangna Kaye! Anong radically pluralized ka diyan?! Pa-intellectual tawag diyan!
Ano ba ang alam mo na hindi alam ng mundo?
WALA!

Kaya sabi nga nung kasakay ko sa jeep nung huwebes,”…ang ayoko sa lahat eh yung pinagmamalakihan ako..”

I am somehow happy that I have caused you tragedy.
Now, I am reaffirmed that in that periwinkle strangled heart of yours I will remain even posthumously.

I came, I scoffed, and I remained...

2005-02-27T20:26:00.000-05:00

addicted to the underworld of apathy, disillusionment, and infidelity.
Inside this brain if mine is a growing passion of procrastination, (insert your name here if applicable), and C17H22NO4.
Don't you think it is about time you do something about media manipulation and political oppression?
I love repeating my self.
It is so uninviting, psychotic, and uninviting.
Behind every frog there is a handsome prince looming!
Was i too fast hitting the center before the peripherals?
What can I do? You struck me hard.
I have bore the weight of the lie I've told long enough already to appreciate life even more.
You will be remembered best as the salvation.
Allow my affection por tu to transilluminate thy sexy body then we could create a world of our own as lovers supposedly often do.
You are more than enough irony to cause a silent roar!
I can be very forgetful.
Does that make me irresponsible?
note: Forgetting is more psychotic than remembering.

K's choice

2005-02-23T00:49:00.000-05:00

Breathe it in and breathe it out
And pass it on, it's almost out
We're so creative, so much more
We're high above but on the floor
It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain
I'm in heaven, I'm a god
I'm everywhere, I feel so hot

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me(Nothing means a thing to me)

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me, I'm falling and I'm falling.

It is not a habit, it is cool I feel alive I feel...
It is not a habit, it is cool I feel alive
It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)
I'm not an addict...

Ode to India

2005-02-23T00:39:00.000-05:00

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Jai Guru Deva Om

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva Om

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me.
Limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
And calls me on and on across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva Om

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
_fiona apple

harhar! G. Lamb corrected me on this one. Wellp, the Beatles had their version but what can I do im a big Apple fan. Fiona apple that is! The Beatles still rock though!

2005-02-15T22:12:00.000-05:00

"MAY YOU LIVE in interesting times..."

Chinese curse

thus spoke i

2005-02-14T04:59:00.000-05:00

Pathological Flirt

2005-02-10T01:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Aldrin I like you a lot I realize you’re a little reserved right now and I respect that I would like you to know that if you’re ever free in the future and you would like to come visit me in India I would be open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first love poem I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch you were the best platform from which I jumped beyond myself what was wrong with me I love you muchly
Dear Lian you rock my world you have a charismatic way about you with the women and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality truth is whenever I think of the mid 2004 your face comes up with euphoria like it was yesterday we’ll do as well as we can and you will always have my back during a possible very tumultuous time in our lives I will always be curious about you about your career your whereabouts and your temporal insanities you have my love

Dear Eric we learned so much I realize we won’t be able to talk for some time something stopped us from going any further than we did and it’s kinda too bad because we could’ve had much more fun.

Dear Eugene I like you you have been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive and nurturing and always there for me. Eyak loves you
Dear Allan I loved you muchly you kept drawing me in and pushing me away I remember how embarrassing it was to cry in front of you for the first time
Dear Allen I liked you a lot you wouldn’t let me get away without kicking my own ass but I could never really feel relaxed and secure around you though
Dear Bernard I used to say the more tragic the better I still do whatever that means
Dear Virus may the wrath of Shiva fall down upon you!

eyakselluegra.h

2005-01-28T05:35:00.000-05:00

i am just thinking in random here.
theres a powerfreak overa half anked chick
*heheh* dyslexic.
im dyslexic, insomiac, and amnesic.
are you?
i really like this guy.
he's devastatingly goo-looking.
yuck! goo.
what i meant was good-looking.
wanna join the nailbitesociety?
you can't if you don't nail bite. Pcha!
areyou fixated?
i fucking lied to my *$$%%# bout something.
hindi ko na katabi si Gil sa Asian amd Western civilization.
Bakit nga ba?
We always get caught making chika.
what can kaye do?
she prioritizes social life over academics.
not being BI here.
do you think you make sense?
what is gangrene??

Brother, where art thou?

2005-01-28T05:00:00.000-05:00

My killer brother.

He's my life, he's my death.

" I'm his punk rock princess and he's my garage band king."

He's the heroine drug that sustains me, the heroine drug that slowly kills me.

He stole all the attention away from me, he saved me from scrutiny.

He kicked me in the face, I learned tolerance.

He pulled me in the hair, I learne dto sway.

Having him is perspective-altering.

I get teary eyed

whenever I have to write

about my little brother

who is definitely worth the fight.

I'm an individual with spatio-temporal limitations,

I wouldn't wager the chance to be with my brother for some worldly illusion.

He taught me hate but he brought back the involuntary smile I've lost for a while.

He took away from me my precious sleeping hours but he showed me the world from the awake's punto de vista.

He gave me no deep, broad, intellectually-stimulating conversation( or so I think) but he showed me what is true.

If to be pretty is to be away from him, I wouldn't want to be pretty.

If to be sexy is to be away from him, I wouldn't want to be sexy.

If to be alive is to be awar from him, I's till want to be alive......

for I don't know what death has to offer but I am certain that life has got me a brother.

If I had someone to waste away with in a fraction of infinity,

it would be him, my dearest brother, confidant, and enemy.

2005-01-13T01:32:00.000-05:00

Would you...

1. cheaply pawn love for lust?
2. still go to school even when you don't feel like it?
3. ever go to India for "spiritual awakening"?
4.smoke your self to death to cure your half-self-imposed insomia?

Have you ever...

1. made a fool of your self for your "special someone"?
2. flirted with anybody?

Who...
1. do you want to waste away with?
2. are you?

for: my dearest boytoy

2005-01-12T04:46:00.000-05:00

i believe

i believe the love you talk about with me

is it true, do i care

honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside

but it's you that you erase

'cause there's no place that i could be without you

it's too far to discard the life i once knew

honestly, all the weather and storms i bring

are just a picture of my needs

'cause when i think of you as mine

and allow myself with time

to lead into the life we want

i feel love, honestlyi feel love, yes, honestly

i believe you mean the best that life can bring

i believe in it all

honestly, you can try

your heart is just as long as mine

is it ours to let go

'cause there's not place that i could be without you

it's too dark to discard the life i once knew

honestly, a single wrong is not enough

to cover up the pain in us

'cause when i think of you as mine

and allow myself the time

to lead into the life we want

i feel love, honestly

i'll make a joke so you must laugh

i'll break your heart so you must ask

is this the way to get us back

i don't know, honestly

i don't know, yes, honestly

there's no place that i could be without you

honestly

there's no place that i could be without you

honestly